The Family Table Farmstead

With a new placement being fresh in my brain, I wanted to share some tips, routines, and ideas that work for us when taking in new children. The first week can feel incredibly hectic, like you are a chicken running around with your head cut off. Having a guide or checklist can help keep you on track with each new placement received. I do share a few links to items we utilize through the post. As an Amazon Associate I earn from qualifying purchases.

EAT EAT EAT

This one is so important because you need to be nourished to sustain being a good caretaker. I say it first because I myself am the worst at this. Set a timer on your phone if needed, ALWAYS grab at least a nibble when you give the kids food, or ask if a family member or friend is willing to text you whenever you get a new placement to make sure you are eating. Our first placement, I didn’t eat for almost 48 hours once they entered our home from being so focused on taking care of the kids and figuring out what was needed, and getting things put away. This past one was not great, but definitely an improvement of only 5 hours.

Text Your People

I have a list of people that my husband and I text after we accept a placement. Here is my list if you want ideas when creating yours: family, friends, boss, licensing agent, other foster parent friends – support is important.

Gather Important Contact Information

Get social worker contact information AND a backup contact. We usually ask for their supervisor’s contact information as a back up. If there is a sibling group that’s been split, we request the contact information for the other foster family(ies).

Your Schedule

Double check your calendar for what’s coming up the next few days. that can be rescheduled, canceled, or what you can’t miss. This way you do not miss any important appointments, or you can reschedule the things that can be pushed back.

Doctor’s Appointment

Schedule a medical appointment. Our state requires us to have the children examined by a doctor within 72 hours of placement. If you are a first time foster parent preparing before taking your first placement, I’d suggest searching for a place that accepts state insurance close to you, so you already know where you can call to set an appointment. You may want to call and ask what their new patient process is. Our local doctor’s office requests you to fill out a form, then they call you to set up an appointment after the information is reviewed. We visit Children’s Mercy Hospital in downtown Kansas City. While this isn’t the closest to us, we have luck getting in within the time frame requested of us.

Inventory and Needs List

Do your best to make an inventory of what the kids bring with them, to ensure they leave with all of their items. A few methods I’ve used is made a list in Excel and taken photos. I like to put groups of things away at a time, so I can make a list of their needs while putting away clothing, shoes, bathroom items, etc. I involve the child in this process if they want to help and if age/developmentally appropriate. I also ask them to show me their favorite items, and ask if they like how that item fits and what is their favorite thing about that item. Sometimes it’s the character on the shirt, and sometimes it’s the cozy fuzz on the inside of their favorite sweatshirt. During this process, I do ask older children if they feel that there is something they need that they do not have. We were most recently asked for a snow sled 🙂 Luckily, we already have one at our home. If the kids aren’t old enough, or don’t care to help put away their things, I always take the time to show them where I placed their things once all put away.

After the needs list is completed, I decide what needs are immediate. For the immediate needs, we make a list to go out and purchase that day, or the next depending on what time allows for. With the other items needed, we create an Amazon wish list and share it with the friends and family that have requested to know how they can help us. The kids love waiting for the packages to come and helping draw or write in thank you cards afterwards.

Notes

Take. Notes. Lots of notes. Find a notebook you will carry around with you. Taking notes about their interests, behaviors noticed, concerning comments, things you remembered you forgot to ask the social worker, etc. My husband carries a pocket composition notebook 24/7 the first week at least. I use a regular ole notebook you’d find in most school classrooms and carry that around with me. I also take some notes on my phone that I later transfer to my notebook. This is the composition notebook my husband carries in his back pocket.

Home Tour

We do a thorough walk through once the kids seem ready (and time of day factors in) – either the first or second day. The first day, bare minimum we show where we sleep, where the bathroom is, and where they sleep. On the thorough tour it’s a good time to start introducing some rules. Ex: “Here is the kitchen, we leave all of our food and drinks in here, except water. Water is the only thing you can take out of the kitchen.” We of course show each room, but we get more detailed than that. We show where light switches are, exits, “no kid zones,” the fire place and explain that it is really hot & not to touch, things the kids can expect to happen in each room, where to find trash cans, and towels. We also show where we store food and follow with, “Maddie and Joe’s house always has food.” We eat 3 meals every day and have 1 snack a day.” When age appropriate, we ask what eating routines they are used to. Most of the children we have cared for at this point have come from food-insecurity backgrounds. We feel it’s important to establish early that they can always count on eating at our home, and that our home is a safe home.

Help The Child(ren) Settle

Where it fits in, ask lots of questions about them and their interests. If they are on the shy side, do your best to keep the questions easy to answer. Like yes or no questions or options given at the end of a question between two or three things. Do your best to gauge if the child is becoming overwhelmed and needs a break. Here are some examples/ideas:

• When putting away clothes, ask what of their clothes are their favorites
• Ask about favorite foods and meals
• What they are used to doing for a bed time routine
• If they like nightlights while sleeping (this answer is usually yes)
• Their favorite shows/movies/books
• What colors they like
• Are you used to waking up yourself or having someone wake you up?
• Do you like to sleep with a blanket, stuffy, or both?

Involve The Kids in Decisions

Involve them in age appropriate decisions. Here are a few ways we include the kids when they are first getting settled in.

• Have them share favorite snacks or foods to be added to grocery list
• Helping pick out items on Amazon wish list
• Give input of favorite meals to be included the rest of the week for dinner
• If you’re going out to eat for dinner ask what kind of food they would like to have or give them an option between a few places.
• ‘Designing’ their room: picking bedding from what’s available, if they like decorations on the wall, if you have extra decor they’d like to hang up, maybe you let them pick a color of paint for 1 wall in the room.

Meeting Pets

We have 2 dogs, and we leave them put away until the kids’ items are put away. After that, we let the kid(s)s decide when they are ready to meet our dogs. We hold the dogs securely by their collars, just in case. We’ve never had an issue with our pets meeting a child, but we wouldn’t want to assume it’s impossible for a dog to dislike the way a child may grab at them or maybe make a loud noise and scare the dog. If there is an area your dog doesn’t like to be touched or pet, I would be sure to share before letting the dogs out to meet the kid(s).

School or Daycare Enrollment

Odds are, you know what school district you live in. If you do not, I would suggest to save the phone numbers of the schools in your area before placement. That way you can start the enrollment process as quickly as possible. This unfortunately can take some time. Our current placement has been with us for 8 days, and they are still not yet enrolled. The process has begun, but there was an issue with the previous school and sending paperwork.

For daycare, you can find centers that accept state payment online. Our state’s website, you can enter your zip code, and see the results that way. I would be prepared for the potential of a wait list. We have found that age 2 and below is the most difficult to find daycare for in our area.

Slowly Work In Rules and Expectations

We gradually share our rules as time and scenarios arise. The kids are going through such a big change. If you sat down and told them all of the rules and expectations the first day, odds are they will forget most of them. We start with 1 or 2 the first few days and slowly work them in over the next few days as needed OR as their behaviors show what’s needed to be shared. It can be difficult to find a sweet spot while letting them settle, but also establishing that we do have rules in our home. We also don’t have a concrete list of rules that is exactly the same for every child that enters our home. Some children have a need for more rules, and some children don’t need as many depending on not only age but behaviors as well. It’s a learning curve together as you go sometimes. Give yourself grace as well as the child(ren) during the transition period.

Deep Breaths

Take lots of deep breaths. The first week generally has LOTS of ups and downs. You are taking in so much information from the case worker, appointments, and the kids it can be easy to find yourself overwhelmed. We have found that a calm care taker leads to children that are more calm. If you are frantic and anxious, the kids are more likely to feed off of that energy and have a frantic and hectic first day themselves.

This may seem like an enormous amount of things to do, but remember you are standing at the trail head of this next foster placement. There are many ups and downs ahead of you on this journey. While there’s quite a lot to do the first few days, remember it doesn’t all need to be completed the first day. Put one foot in front of the other and keep moving forward and checking things off of your list. Eat, take deep breaths, and moments away when you need it.